Wednesday, February 25, 2009


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I'm still alive! Hooray!

Friday, February 20, 2009

So, Why Would You Need A Green Body Suit?

I'm so glad you asked.
Because now I can show you my fabulous 8 year old fairy!

Because, after all, every Tinker Bell birthday party must have a Tinker Bell.

And that Tinker Bell should get a lot of presents. Especially from her equally Darling brothers and sister.

And she should have a cake made in her likeness by her doting mother.

And just one cupcake to spit on.

Happy Birthday, Little Bit. I love you.

And thank you, Mom, for your help with the Tink skirt!

I must go collapse now....

Economic Warning!

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity,
gas and oil, as well as current market conditions and
the continued decline of the U.S. economy, The Light at
the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Help! I've Fallen Into A Vat Of Rit Dye And I Can't Get Out!

It started innocently enough. I needed this body suit to be green for my daughter.

I'll tell you why later.

The green body suit needed green ballet slippers.

Then I had this huge stock pot full of green dye. What now? It would be such a waste to dump it down the drain. Isn't there anything else I could dye?

Ooh! I got it! I grabbed a few rubber bands and made two of these little cuties. They are a little lopsided, but you get the idea.

Still a lot of dye in there... Hmm... Oh, one of the kids has a white, long sleeved t-shirt. He also has a penchant for green.

Now, there's still a lot of dye. I wonder if there is a white cat around here anywhere. No? I guess I'll just have to dump the rest of it down the drain.

Monday, February 16, 2009

My Mom's A Freak.

A Clean Freak.

Seriously. I think she needs help!

My 11 year old thinks she needs outside interests....
I am a Little Messy

You aren't the cleanest person in the world, but you're definitely not a slob.

You clean up when you have the time, but you're realistic about what you can get done.

Generally, you're pretty organized and tidy - though you may have a few hidden messes.

You eventually get around to making things spotless, but you do it on your own schedule!

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What Religion Is Your Bra?

**I found these nuggets in my MOPS newsletter this month**AND- be sure to listen to the lyrics very carefully, they're VERY inappropriate!**

A single father walked into the lingerie department of his local department store. Rather embarrassed he told the clerk he needed to buy a bra for his teen aged daughter.
"What type of bra?" the clerk wanted to know.
"Type?"Asked the father, blushing. "You mean there's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the clerk as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, color, and size. "Actually, even with all this variety, there are really only 4 types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The sales lady replied, "There are Catholic bras, Bras from the Salvation Army, there are Presbyterian bras, and there are Baptist bras. Which one would you prefer?"
Now the poor man was totally confused! He asked the clerk to explain. The sales lady responded, "It's all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army ones lift up the fallen; The Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright; And the Baptist bras make mountains out of mole hills!"
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? Well, here you go:
(A) Almost boobs
(B) Barely there
(C) Can't complain
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double Dang!!
(E) Enormous
(F) Fake
(G) Get a reduction
(H) Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
And don't forget the German bra size H- Haltzemfromflappen.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

School Pictures...Or, Not.

I hate school pictures. I do.
You pick an outfit that will show up well in the pictures.
You wash your cherub, making sure to scrub behind their ears and between their toes.
You comb your munchkin's hair just so. You plaster it in place with water, gel, and hairspray. Or if you are my sister, you don't.
Then you send your precious angel skipping into school.
Where they do a project with glue and glitter.
And go out to morning recess.
Just before lunch it starts to rain.
Lunch that day happens to be corn dogs.
Since your child is a lot like you, they eat their corn dogs with mustard.
And wipe their mouth with their sleeve. Fabulous.
By recess time the rain has stopped.
And one of the older kids has organised a "touch" football game and has graciously allowed your cutie bug to play- for the other team.
Hot, sweaty, mustardy, muddy, and slightly sparkly, your child lines up after recess and their class goes directly to pictures.
Where your child hands over the $45 for package "F" which you chose because it was the least expensive package that has both an 8x10 and a class picture.
And this is what you get back 4 to 6 weeks later:
Which is why I won't buy them. Instead, I make an appointment at my local portrait studio for a weekend day when my husband will be home. I leave 4 children with him and take the child to be photographed. We do pictures to roughly coincide with their birthdays, so there's no huge rush in September.

You pick an outfit that will show up well in the pictures.
You wash your cherub, making sure to scrub behind their ears and between their toes.
You comb your munchkin's hair just so. You plaster it in place with water, gel, and hairspray.
You get into the car and drive to the studio.
You work with the photographer for 30 minutes.
You pay $25.
You have enough pictures for your humongous family.
They will be back in 2 weeks.
And this is what you get:
And then, as a special treat for sitting and cooperating so well, you let your child make a truly hideous face and have it printed up in wallet size to pass out to all of their friends at school.
Actually, I'm not positive that she doesn't belong to Lizzy, as this is a talent that I absolutely do not possess.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I Fully Maintain That It Is All Lula's Fault....

Lula has these gorgeous girls. And apparently, they are famous for their hair bows. Because they are good southern girls and are not considered dressed until their mama has put a ginormous bow somewhere on their heads.
Well, as many times as I have asked her where we good non-southern girls can get our hands on some ginormous bows, SHE HAS NEVER ANSWERED ME! Is there some sort of secret bow society? Must you or one of your offspring be BORN south of the Mason-Dixon Line? Is that why you're not telling, Lula?
Good thing I know how to google. I found all sorts of hair bow sites selling VERY EXPENSIVE, albeit beautiful, hair bows. But I also found this little treasure: Girly Things.
So I took matters into my (ever-so-talented) own hands and I made this bow.

And this bow, which is made from corker ribbon. That I corked (It's a real word! I think...) myself.

And this one, too.

And a close cousin of the one above.

And this sweet little number.

Today. These are the ones I made today.

And here they are with some of the others I have made.

I may have a problem.

But, I fully maintain that it is all Lula's fault!

**ETA**So, If I were to open my own Etsy shop or something? Sorry Lula, they'd still be $4-$7 apeice. Now if I could open a sweat shop in China....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Waiting For Inspiration To Hit

Please enjoy the music while we wait for something hilarious or blog worthy to happen in my life*

*If you are anything like me, this song will make you laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. Does that happen to people who only have one or two kids?