Sunday Snicker

Today our pastor used a joke as a sermon highlight. Don't stop me if you've heard this one:

A young husband was ill. No matter what he did, he just couldn't seem to get better. Finally he had his wife drive him to the doctor. As he was dressing after the examination the doctor spoke to the young wife in the waiting area. "Your husband has a severe and rare case of anemia. He needs plenty of rest, a hearty home cooked breakfast, a hot lunch , and a meat and potatoes type of dinner EVERY DAY. Also, he needs his home to be kept immaculately. If you do all of this, he will live. Do you want to tell him, or do you want me to tell him?"
The wife answered that she would like to be the one to break the news to her husband, so she went to the exam room. Taking one look at his wife's face the husband asked, "How bad is it?"
The wife burst into uncontrollable sobs and finally managed to choke out, "He...said...you...were...going...to...die!!!!!"

I turned to my husband and said in a stage whisper, "Honey, you're going to die!"
He said back to me, "I've been dead for a long time."

Good thing the pastor was at the end of his sermon, because we had THE worst case of giggles you can imagine!

Swine Flu?

Um, yeah.

Economic Warning!

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity,
gas and oil, as well as current market conditions and
the continued decline of the U.S. economy, The Light at
the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

What Religion Is Your Bra?

**I found these nuggets in my MOPS newsletter this month**AND- be sure to listen to the lyrics very carefully, they're VERY inappropriate!**

A single father walked into the lingerie department of his local department store. Rather embarrassed he told the clerk he needed to buy a bra for his teen aged daughter.
"What type of bra?" the clerk wanted to know.
"Type?"Asked the father, blushing. "You mean there's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the clerk as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, color, and size. "Actually, even with all this variety, there are really only 4 types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The sales lady replied, "There are Catholic bras, Bras from the Salvation Army, there are Presbyterian bras, and there are Baptist bras. Which one would you prefer?"
Now the poor man was totally confused! He asked the clerk to explain. The sales lady responded, "It's all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army ones lift up the fallen; The Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright; And the Baptist bras make mountains out of mole hills!"
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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? Well, here you go:
(A) Almost boobs
(B) Barely there
(C) Can't complain
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double Dang!!
(E) Enormous
(F) Fake
(G) Get a reduction
(H) Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
And don't forget the German bra size H- Haltzemfromflappen.

If A Vegetarian Eats Only Vegetables, What Does A Humanitarian Eat?

Abby, my 6 year old, watched me cubing some beef for curry last night. She thought it was rather gross. She sat down to the table and declared that she was going to become a vegetarian for dinner. I rolled my eyes, plated her up, and sat down to my dinner. I have decided to become a Libertarian. From now on, I'm only eating Liberals!

Rebuilding New Orleans

For complete description of materials
and how to build it,
please refer to Genesis, chapter 5:14-16

Joke Of The Day

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?