The Things We Don't Say

I don't call you often enough. I don't tell you how much I love you. I don't tell you how I wish you would get your life together and act like a human being. I don't tell you when you are making me so angry that I could eat nails. I don't tell you how proud I am of the choices you make. I don't hug you.

Because if I did, I would have to let you in to the places that ache. I would have to let you see me. I would have to show you all the tender places that hurt for you, that cheer for you, that are afraid for you, that are afraid for me.

But, just so you know, I DO love you. SO SO SO much.

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tommorow is the kids last day of school and they are so excited! For school tommorow all they are doing is watching the slide show and it's only 2 hours. After school we are going to have a teacher appretiation lunch and all of their teachers are coming. We're going to have a full house!

While Waiting For Inspiration To Hit...

I got hit with something else. It felt like this:

All over my body.

Except my throat.

It feels like this:

And my chest?

It might have one of these on it:

Except when I cough.

Then it is most definitely one of these.

So, I'm going to lay down for a few more days and hope something comes to me in a cough induced, oxygen deprived spasm.

If I live that long.

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So, I took myself to the doctor today and she said, "You have bronchitis, and probably the early stages of pneumonia. Here's your prescription."

Thr good news is that thanks to the advances of modern medicine, I will live.

Hope Island

The Perfect (Birth)day

Yesterday I got to sleep in until 9:30. I woke up with a start because something was missing. I realized that I hadn't gotten the baby his 6:45 bottle. Grandma had to do that. I'm on vacation. I am on my anniversary vacation. The one where we don't go anywhere or do anything. It's a vacation from responsibility if nothing else.

After much laziness yesterday we decided to get up, pack a picnic, and get in our car. We started driving south and ended up in Ballard, a neighborhood of Seattle. There is a very nice park hidden at the end of the road, so we stopped there and had our picnic tucked up in a cove of dune grass, shielded from the wind. And then we laid like worms baking in the rare Seattle sunshine. I got a little pink.

We Strolled around Ballard and Sebastian found a bakery he wanted to try. He had a cinnamon roll and a coffee. I had a bite and a sip. After that we found the new location of my cousin's shoe store. My cousin has some amazing shoes at her store, Market Street Shoes.

We walked all over Ballard, then we stopped by my cousin's house to say "Hi." After we left we went out to Birthday/Anniversary dinner at Olive Garden, and then came home to watch a movie.

It was the perfect do-nothing kind of day.

Getting High

On May first, in order to usher in the 2011 hiking season, my husband decided we all needed to get high together. Real high. 3000 ft high. We even brought the baby along. He's new to the family, and not real experienced at getting high. He passed out around 1000ft. Poor baby. The kids were making fun of him- calling him a newbie- but the one thing they can't call him at 18 lbs is a lightweight. I got so high that day that I thought I was going to die. I felt like my head was going to explode and I was weak in the knees... I don't think I will be getting that high again for a while. Especially not while toting that not-so-lightweight!

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No Agenda

On Saturday we had a rare day with no agenda. Baby D had his 7 am bottle then went back to sleep, letting me sleep until almost 10 am. By the time I got up, dressed and went to wake him, he was peed up to his armpits! I was giving Baby D a bath when I remembered that there were going to be some celebratory doin's in town.

The big boys had gone rafting, taking the family vehicle, and Jonah was "spending the night at Grandma's house, all the way until Easter!" So, the girls found ourselves alone with Baby D and no agenda.

We strolled the mile to downtown enjoying the gentle sun warming our heads, and the gentle breeze cooling it back down. We missed the parade, arriving just as it was over. But I did hear a few people remark that they had blinked and missed the whole thing.... We walked a block to the free hot dog, cotton candy, and soda lunch and then I stood around visiting with people I knew while Baby D snoozed in his stroller, and the girls partook in some good, old fashioned redneck fun. Someone had set up a tractor tire on a teepee structure. They put the little people inside the tire and twisted as much as the ropes would allow. Then they let go. My girls went on that thing 4 times. With hot dogs in their bellies. I had to drag them away before someone blew hot dog chunks.

We bought cupcakes from the cupcake shop. But, honestly? I don't get the hoopla about buying cupcakes. And I really don't understand red velvet. Ghack! Since I had a check in my purse to deposit and we had no other plans, we walked the next mile to the grocery store where our bank is. I did my banking and the girls powdered their noses. We decided to have second lunch at the Mexican restaurant and then we walked the two miles home.

As I was walking with my girls, listening to their companionable chatter I thought about how rushed we make life. A four mile walk is not hard, yet I routinely drive 1/2 mile to the nearest grocery store because I simply do not have time to slow down.

It was nice.

I should schedule more agenda free days- just not tomorrow, because I don't have the time.