Just for Today, I choose Jesus.

Recently a group of ladies from my church started meeting together over a meal to encourage and to exhort each other.  This month doubt came up.  One of the ladies said that her sweet little child was asking questions like, "How do I know God is real?" and "How come if God is good bad stuff happens?"   My sweet, tender friend admitted to struggling with these same questions in her own heart, and she wasn't sure how to answer her baby.
Here's the thing:  We all doubt.  We all question.  Anyone that says they don't?  They're lying.
I cannot even tell you the number of times that I got up in the morning and prayed, "God, I don't feel like you are real today.  Is that OK?  I want to believe in you, I do.  So just for today, I choose to believe.  Today is all I can manage.  Is that OK, God, if I just choose you today?"
Honest.  That's what they sound like.  And God always meets my tiny faith where it is.  He has never told me that my tiny faith was not enough.  And, usually, I wake up with enough faith for the next day.  If I don't, I go through it all again.
Sometimes all I have is a mustard seed.  And it's enough.

Matthew 17:20b
if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you. 

Since January: April

This year, Abigail decided that she would take the step of obedience and be baptized.  She met with the pastor to confirm her decision to him, and then the worship pastor recorded an interview of Abby saying what baptism means to her.  They played the interview just before her actual dunking.

2013 April Baptism interview - Abigail G. from Jason Chollar on Vimeo.

April 14th, 2013

Since January: March

In March we were finally able to adopt our youngest son.  After living and loving in limbo for two years, we made Levi our forever son.  He's stuck with us now.
We had a VERY quick ceremony at the court house on a Friday morning (my mom and dad missed it while they were parking the car), and then we took some family pictures.

On Saturday we had a blessing and dedication done by our pastor.

And then it was time to PARTY!

 

Since January; February

In February, Elizabeth turned 12.  She shared her birthday with her Great Grandma who would have been 92.  Every year, she and Great Grandma would do something together.  When she was tiny, Great Grandma came to her parties, and we always had a gift for Gigi, too.  As Elizabeth got older and Gigi was no longer able to travel, it evolved into lunch with Gigi and Grandma at Gigi's  house, and became extra special when I had to take her out of school to do it.
For the last two years Elizabeth, Grandma and I have made the trip to Gigi's gravesite.  Elizabeth leaves a pinwheel, since February is so blustery, and the three of us go have lunch.
I am so glad that for the years that my grandma was here, I was able to foster that special bond between them.  One day, Elizabeth will grow up.  She might not have time to have lunch with her grandma and I, and she might not want to trek out in the rain to visit a gravesite.  Until then, I treasure all of these special days.

A Month

A month has gone by.  A month of weird.   A month of returning to normal.  A month of sweet memories, hard memories, tears, and laughter.  Kris, I miss you.

Kris

Decisions

They are not earth shattering.

They are just too hard.  Too hard.

What's for dinner? 

Can I try out for a play?

Can I turn out for wrestling?

How much do I pay on this bill?

Should I stay home, or should I get dressed and go out?

How can I help?

I don't know.  I just don't know.

Don't ask me, because I can't make any decisions this week.